Lesson 1
A
man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower,
when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs
downstairs. When she opens the door, there stand Bob, the next door neighbor.
Before
she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.”
After
thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of
Bob, after few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up
in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When
she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, “Who was that?”
“It
was Bob the next door neighbor,” she replies.
“Great,”
husband says, “Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?”
Morality:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your
shareholders on time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2
A
priest offered a nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown
to reveal a leg.
The
nun said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?”. The priest removed his hand. But,
changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The
nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?”
The
priest apologized “Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.”. Arriving at the
convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On
his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, “Go
forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.”
Morality:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Lesson 3
A
sale representative, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to
lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The
Genie says, “I’ll give each of you just one wish.”
“Me
first! Me first!”, says the admin clerk. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving
a speedboat, without a care in the world.”
Puff!
She’s gone.
“Me
next! Me next!”, says the rep. “I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach
with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my
life.”
Puff!
He’s gone.
“Okay,
you are up,” the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, “I want those two
back in office after lunch.”
Morality:
Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4
An
eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the
eagle and asked him, “Can I also sit like you and do nothing?”
The
eagle answered, “Sure, why not?”
So,
the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of sudden, a fox
appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Morality:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high.
Lesson 5
A
turkey was chatting with a bull.
“I
would love to be able to get to the top of that tree.”, sighed the turkey, “But
I haven’t got the energy.”
“Well,
why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?”, replied the bull. They are
packed with nutrients.”
The
turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength
to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more
dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey
was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He
was promptly spotted by the farmer, who shot out of the tree.
Morality:
Bullsh*t might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
Lesson 6
A
little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and
fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by
and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow
dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him
out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began too sing for joy.
A
passing cat heard the singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the
cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out
and ate him.
Morality:
1- Not
everyone who sh*ts on you is your enemy.
2- Not
everyone who gets you out of sh*t is your friend.
3- And
when you are in deep sh*t, it’s best to keep your mouth shut.
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